Let's chat with the Emo-corn.

You: Long time no see.
Me: Well, I don't see you guys just type on a white page.
You: You know what I meant, where have you been?

See, I've been on this faded, stained micro-fiber couch trying to mentally plan out what the next move is. Something I keep private is our struggles, and the thing is when under stress I internalize, thinking I'm the only one going through it. That's why I go silent, I don't want to post my life problems and bring the whole world down with them.

      In this world we are always stuck at a crossroads, big or small we are left in the middle of a dusty plains. Some people are lucky and pick the right way, they carry on and tell their story about how they made in out. Then there is the group of people who end up picking the road that seems right, but when then start to walk it the dirt starts to darken and the scenery starts to shift, making their head spin, their chest tighten and the people around them fade. That's the turn we made, the one we felt was right. That doesn't mean is was a bad choice, it just has more consequences. 
      
     If spilling my life was easy I'd do it everyday... These few years have been rough, and at times I feel I should just stop blogging. I feel I can't keep myself consistent, afraid of saying something wrong. My life is messy, very, very messy. In the same breath I am so grateful for each breath I can take, and just like thousands of people I sometimes get lost in the dark thoughts. I wish they bottled Mr. Clean for that... Can you image if they did that?

     I am also very frustrated at my book, when I went back to outlining I came to sad realization my characters are set on growing up and changing the story, it's a never ending urge to punch them in the face, if they were real and actually had faces. It's hard enough making up my own mind, now I have to help a room full of toddlers that only live in my brain, it's not like I can walk away and lock myself in the bathroom and have a few minutes of peace in a bubble bath. Oh no, as I'm in the bath making a bubble beard there they are with their sharpies, scribbling on the wall, the sharpies being their opinion and the wall my brain. Writing, even outlining is seriously unrewarding at times. 

     And even though I sound sad keep in mind, this is real stuff my brain and emotions are going through, this as the cheapest therapy I can afford.

    I am so grateful to you, even though "you" is a character created by me to get myself talking. Haha...
Okay inner unicorn is done, I wish you a good night.

P.s. I'm calling my emo side Emo-corn (like emo unicorn.) 

Unicorn girl talks to herself

Hey my Headcases!

      So since getting a new laptop I thought I'd blog more but even I shock myself at how I let things fall to the wayside. I've been also working on other things like my book. Also a lot of the time I just have sad depressing things to say, I mean I could say them but even you guys may need a Valium. We are in the transition of trying to get out the house we are living in, but with that we are unsure if we wanna move to South Carolina or if we want to stay in Georgia we also don't have the money to move or stay here so that's one of my main stresses. We also have the air out in the house which in the heat of Georgia is like baking inside your own house. Also people coming in my house gives me extreme anxiety. I'm pretty sure everything gives me anxiety, even bug bites stress me out.
The book and blog and everything else have been put on stand by due to how life being a vortex of crazy.
*Update, I had to stop writing because the A/C guy came. It's all good I locked myself in my room with the pup and waited, turned out it was just a burnt out wire.

      My sister and I started a band, every time I say that out loud I think of the scene from Scott Pilgrim Vs The world.
Ramona: You have a band?
Scott: Yes, we're terrible please come?
And being a super fan I didn't even have to look that up. Points for me. I also just looked back on an old post and realized that I used the same quote and also mentioned I was in a band, way to be original Jaxx, your unicorn brain is getting mushy...  I managed to pull enough money together to by my first guitar, I guess that's how it starts, broke with a guitar. I was actually making a different post for that. :)

     The book is still on a roll I just stuck in the "I didn't outline now it's biting me in the butt" part of writing. Currently I'm writing about my antagonist that makes me see him a different light, it left me confused like my story wasn't confusing enough. But that's the cool thing about writing anti-heroes and villains together, they are constantly bouncing off each other and have me asking who is the real bad guy here?
Okay, I think I've given you guys a lot of random to handle.

You: So you just going to leave again when things get tough?
Me: No, I uh- don't plan on it.
You: Sure, we'll see.
Me: Okay, I'll just end this here.

Let the haters hate.

Now I was going to blog about my new hair, I then started to research about how to make my blog better, how to improve it, not just for me but for you guys. I stumbled upon a post about getting more Blog traffic, and as I read it something bugged me, a lot.
She said that viewers can sniff out a faker, one just looking for money.
I don't know why this bugged me, maybe my self conscious tendencies kicked in and I started to second guess myself. "Am I poo?" And then I thought "Nah, I'm just learning and living life and writing about it which is hard." I started to think about it, I looked at her beautiful blog and spunky personalty. I know that anything I want to have, anything I want to accomplish is going to be hard because I'm as sub zero. I'm like that kid in dodge ball that got all the balls thrown at her whole body.
I want you guys to know that I am serious about this and am not out for the money, I mean some money would help but that not the point I'm here to create a community of people. I also want to be there for people going trough a hard time, I see so many people reaching out and not having that person to talk to, I want to be that person. I'm not good a writing mushy heart felt stuff, it wigs me out. But to end this blog I give you the gif that made me laugh the hardest today.