Don't give up.

Unicorn girl talks to herself

Hey my Headcases!

      So since getting a new laptop I thought I'd blog more but even I shock myself at how I let things fall to the wayside. I've been also working on other things like my book. Also a lot of the time I just have sad depressing things to say, I mean I could say them but even you guys may need a Valium. We are in the transition of trying to get out the house we are living in, but with that we are unsure if we wanna move to South Carolina or if we want to stay in Georgia we also don't have the money to move or stay here so that's one of my main stresses. We also have the air out in the house which in the heat of Georgia is like baking inside your own house. Also people coming in my house gives me extreme anxiety. I'm pretty sure everything gives me anxiety, even bug bites stress me out.
The book and blog and everything else have been put on stand by due to how life being a vortex of crazy.
*Update, I had to stop writing because the A/C guy came. It's all good I locked myself in my room with the pup and waited, turned out it was just a burnt out wire.

      My sister and I started a band, every time I say that out loud I think of the scene from Scott Pilgrim Vs The world.
Ramona: You have a band?
Scott: Yes, we're terrible please come?
And being a super fan I didn't even have to look that up. Points for me. I also just looked back on an old post and realized that I used the same quote and also mentioned I was in a band, way to be original Jaxx, your unicorn brain is getting mushy...  I managed to pull enough money together to by my first guitar, I guess that's how it starts, broke with a guitar. I was actually making a different post for that. :)

     The book is still on a roll I just stuck in the "I didn't outline now it's biting me in the butt" part of writing. Currently I'm writing about my antagonist that makes me see him a different light, it left me confused like my story wasn't confusing enough. But that's the cool thing about writing anti-heroes and villains together, they are constantly bouncing off each other and have me asking who is the real bad guy here?
Okay, I think I've given you guys a lot of random to handle.

You: So you just going to leave again when things get tough?
Me: No, I uh- don't plan on it.
You: Sure, we'll see.
Me: Okay, I'll just end this here.

Let the haters hate.

Now I was going to blog about my new hair, I then started to research about how to make my blog better, how to improve it, not just for me but for you guys. I stumbled upon a post about getting more Blog traffic, and as I read it something bugged me, a lot.
She said that viewers can sniff out a faker, one just looking for money.
I don't know why this bugged me, maybe my self conscious tendencies kicked in and I started to second guess myself. "Am I poo?" And then I thought "Nah, I'm just learning and living life and writing about it which is hard." I started to think about it, I looked at her beautiful blog and spunky personalty. I know that anything I want to have, anything I want to accomplish is going to be hard because I'm as sub zero. I'm like that kid in dodge ball that got all the balls thrown at her whole body.
I want you guys to know that I am serious about this and am not out for the money, I mean some money would help but that not the point I'm here to create a community of people. I also want to be there for people going trough a hard time, I see so many people reaching out and not having that person to talk to, I want to be that person. I'm not good a writing mushy heart felt stuff, it wigs me out. But to end this blog I give you the gif that made me laugh the hardest today.

"I____ joint this band."

I was planning on blogging then I went onto YouTube...
30 minutes later and I am ready.
I just got distracted again. okay I'm ready.
This week has been a whirlwind, the car made it's way back to us and is still having problems starting, the shop wanted another two-hundred dollars to find out what's wrong with her. And that money we don't have, we're still trying to get our ducks in a row for this month.
But I'm not freaking out, I want to, I would LOVE to kick and scream but I have stuff that has to get done and I if have a hissy fit then that stuff is going to be put on hold.

Story Of My Life, Bro. 

Oh my sister and I started a band we're terrible. Please come.
*Scott Pilgrim reference.
No but we did start one, it was one of those nights we were up to late, she told me earlier I could sing well, my ego was inflated and I was like how else am I going to meet my future drummer husband? I've always wanted to be in a band and so did she so we were like where do we sign up? Turns out we just ended up signing a piece of paper that says "I____ joint this band."
The funny thing is that we both suffer extreme social anxiety and the future of us playing live will need tons of Valium. She's learning piano and I'm on vocals, I would like to learn guitar but that costs money, I will get my hands on one it just takes time. But I love it, it feels good to be working with her, and when we're in practice together we can screw up we laugh at each other and that's important. She is definitely the Dave Grohl to my Kurt Cobain, she puts up with my crazy ideas and moodiness.
Okay I think this was a good blog? 

My Blog's face has a Facebook page.

Hey HeadCases! I want to announce my FaceBook page.

I have been working on it, it's still harsh but I want to share it because I want it to grow and that's only possible with YOU CRAZIES! Now I am looking to have an actual post also, but our car amounted to much more crap then my brain can take, so bear with me.
https://www.facebook.com/InSideMehHead
Now go hit that link and like it!
And if you aren't following this blog then take your pills and hit the follow button.
Love ya!

Yes I pray, But sometimes I feel I'm getting the busy signal.

So I'm going to take a break from preaching about writing problems, and just write.

Not good at this.
Nope.
Still not good.

     As I sit in my fancy white chair devoured by cat scratches, I reflect on how twisted life is. And how I'm not using this blog as an outlet to vent. Now it's not so easy when you have a life like mine and you raised not to complain. My life although has those beautiful irreplaceable moments, is something very personal and not pretty at all, but I want to start talking about it, in case you're life sucks too then we can laugh/cry about it together.

Do you? Well come on in!
*Wraps arms around you*
Better?

  




        So this week our car decided that it was going to die, we don't know what happened all we know is that it's going to cost possibly eleven-hundred dollars.

Cars are evil.

     All we know is that it could be the starter or this other part a fly- something. If it's the starter it's over five-hundred dollars, if it's both pieces it's going to cost the eleven-hundred. Now in these situations, I'm the positive one, and I still am but it's just another fly that landed on our mound of crap.

Yes I pray.

But sometimes I feel I'm getting the busy signal.

    I'm also that person who believes everything happens for a reason, and that God is teaching me a lesson, but boy he doesn't wear kit gloves.

     Money is always tight, we're always pinching pennies, our pennies pinch pennies. I think I've had chicken beast and potatoes every night this week, am I grateful I have food, absolutely. I can't help but think of the families out there not eating I've been there I know how it feels. I used to live in Pa and I had seen maybe one homeless person, I moved down here and have encountered so many people who have fallen onto hard times. I've started asking their names, so I can include them in my prayers.
      I never pray "Oh God please don't let me become like them!" I feel like that's not only ignorant but it's insulting to that person. I do pray that when God brings me up that he includes them too. I've been homeless, and there comes a time when you're so darn focused on making it that you can't not stay positive, He got you there and he will make sure he gets you out.

I'm not very preachy person, and find that my relationship with God is MINE. But I also feel there is someone who may read this and it may be that push to just not stop, don't stop fighting, I got your back, I'll help you when you fall.

I just gave you a VIP insight into my life. That was hard, but I have a lot to say. and a lot of gifs to share. I love you. I hope you're doing okay and if not I'm here. It will get better.  

Some people need to be stabbed with a unicorn horn...

You: So...
I know, but I couldn't sleep knowing I wasn't going to put a post up, I just stared at the plain ceiling thinking about what to say but sometimes I don't have something to say, ya know?
You: Is that it? Oh great philosopher?
Nah.
I was on the dreaded Facebook today, and I was scrolling through my repeated news feed because I check my Facebook page way to much, it's not even like I have friends who actively message me so I don't have to check it as much as I  do. I am a member in a Fallout 3 group. And this girl with her bare hands had made a Pip-boy, with cardboard and duct tape. If you don't know what I'm talking about here is a Pip-boy.

Honestly with what she was working with it looked good for cardboard and duct tape.
Here is where I had the problem, some poo-bag had the balls to tell her "No offense but it looks shitty ..." I'm that kind of person who is quite on social media, with my anxiety I stay away from confrontation. I also don't comment on things on public pages. I almost made an exception because,*Que rant. Eh-hem*
JUST BECAUSE YOU PUT "NO OFFENSE" IN FRONT OF A OFFENSIVE STATEMENT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS OFFENSIVE!
I can not stand people who do that. No it's not a magician's special blanket it doesn't make the insult disappear by trying to seem passive. Did you put time into that project? No? So shut it! At least trolls no matter how wrong they are have the guts to not hide behind a statement like "no offense."  I'm of course not standing up for trolls I think they need to stick their opinions where the sun don't shine, or find Jesus either one will do. I can';t even call you a troll because you act like you're trying to help. It's like the time a friend at the time called me fat then put "JK, JK." As if I'm going to laugh my butt of at her calling me fat out of the blue. And you wonder why people have self esteem issues.
If you don't like something, don't post it. Just don't. And something I've learned along the way is that if that person asks for your opinion, try to give them a constructive criticism...
I almost ripped him a new one and honestly I'm trying to get my courage to stay something. The girl deserves that. The guy should have just shut his pie hole in the first place. 
And this concludes Jaxx's 3:00 am rant about how people suck. I will talk to you guys later!